How to Crash Mass at the Vatican

1. Decide to go to Mass at the Vatican where at 7 AM daily priests from all over the world celebrate Mass in their native language. Go with your roommate and another friend who is about 6 and 1/2 feet tall.
2. Show up and follow the little crowd into St. Peter's.
3. See Masses happening at all the altars but be a little confused about where an English-speaking priest might be.
4. Follow a random priest to the very front of the Basilica and sit down in a pew. Priests always know where Mass is so you'll be fine.
5. Look around after a bit and realize all the people sitting in front of you are male. You and your roommate are the only women in sight.
6. Realize all these men are priests and are now changing into their white vestments. You with your dark coat don't fit in even more. Also you're ruining the pictures the priests are taking of all the other priests. They probably don't want some American kids in the background.
7. Feel a little uncomfortable. You don't belong there. You, your roommate, and the tallest man alive don't belong at all.
8. Remain sitting though. Despite the fact that a couple hundred priests in white are surrounding you and giving you funny looks.
9. Mass begins. After a few moments, your very tall friend will become excited. The priest celebrating the Mass is Cardinal Bertone. The 2nd most important man in the Vatican. A big deal. The pciture taking makes sense now.
10. You won't understand Mass because it's in Italian. Go with it.
11. Put your head down and pray hard. Pray because you're uncomfortable and don't want God to be mad. But kicking someone out of of Mass isn't very Catholic so you should be fine.
12. A kindly priest will direct you to the Communion line in the back where seminarians anc a couple of nuns are. Go to that line. Do not go to the front line with all the priests.
13. After Mass ends and the the processional has passed your pew, walk quickly out. Notice the couple hundred of lay people who are in sections set apart from the priests. That's where you belong, not among the priests.
14. Know you were very much in the wrong place.
15. Walking quickly out, you will be stopped by a secuity guard. You're too clsoe to the very important man and coming from the wrong direction.
16. Look confused. Security will direct some stern words/looks at you but eventually usher you away from the important people and toward the exit.
17. Proceed out of St. Peter's.
Now, you have successfully crashed Mass with one of the most important men in the entire Catholic Church and even the world.

I should've written about this the day that it happened but I got a little lazy. Anyway, that was a surreal experience. Kind of awful and awesome while it was happening. Although I knew that this would become one of the greatest stories of my life, one to be told and retold for years to come. It's better when I tell it in person so you should have em do that one day. I wish I had pictures to show you just how funny this all was. Well, I guess those priests have pictures of it. I think that was one of the most uncomfortable but coolest Masses I have ever been to. I can't really top myself now unless I do something that brings me into contact with the Pope.